The Naruko Tails!
by 666Notorious666
Summary: Small fish, big ocean. She's a fighter and a bigshot, but she can't even cast a simple clone technique? Who is she? Well, she's me, but also Naruko. Go figure. Self-Insert and Dimensional Gender-Swap. No yuri, no yaoi. T for safe-T-y


The thing I want stated to you all was that, yes, I was the _real_ Naruto. Really, no joke, I was Naruto! Well, the girl version the very at least, whether you might "believe it" or not. I'm never going to crack a joke like that last one… maybe. Sounds like another sorry story gone bad just because it was a self-insert, but I'm here to tell a story and you don't have to read. After all, it's all about me! My story may have already been told to you and me alike… but after all, things change!

But not right now at the very least. I lived through the sealing, the anger, the tears, and the grueling hard work and I didn't have anything to show for it. I still sucked at all things ninjutsu, my grades were awful otherwise… I don't even think I can throw a kunai straight. So, somehow, I was magically supposed to be good at everything in ninja world, right? Just because you have prior knowledge and lower chakra I can pretty much do anything, right?

Wrong, moron, we've all written stories like that. I'll tell you _nothing changes,_ at least not starting out _._ I still have no parents, I still don't like my grades, and I was still a flunky with no friend. Worse… I was a demon with no friend… at least to _them_. Bam! Now, that's how you write a story! But wait. It's too early to say that, Naruko! Don't lie to them! Did I just refer to myself in third person? I think I did.

Back to the theme! I wasn't perfect, but unlike the Shakira song "Try everything," trying wasn't enough. I needed to _be_ like Naruto. Something that people didn't get was that Naruto is the Classical Anti-Hero character-type and his role was to be the bearer of all evil. And as many may say, like the song I referenced above, though we all make mistakes, Naruto made the most of his and always got back up. The deference? Naruto never tried to be anything more than he was.

Don't even get me started about who was never there… about my failure for a father. I mean, we all like Minato, but he kind of hack leaves a girl behind who knows NOTHING about being a girl. Didn't live up to my father's expectations—I was a loser at everything, yah know? But really, he was the loser. He may have said he couldn't stay with me through the blood, sweat, and tears, but somehow, he just wanted me to be strong.

I guessed long ago if I tried hard enough my stupidity would be gone. But that was the problem. I'm done trying—trying to do this, that, and the other and working myself up to be perfect. I'm going to be a _doer_ this time. I still remember the day I was born vividly, as clear as the day—but, I won't waste my time with that and telling you _that_ , or even how I grew up. I will tell you about my relationships I had growing up, because some of them were very interesting indeed.

Hinata never fell in love with me, and I think if she wanted to, her dad would both murder her, flay her, and put her on a spit. Or at least exile her from their clan. Yeah, that might work! I still watched Hinata from afar hoping when she stares back she understands that we would have been good friends. Damn you tightwad Hiashi! At least she wasn't blushing all the time anymore, and didn't even seem to be interested in boys _or_ girls. It's a shame… that would have been an interesting twist. But I knew it was for the best.

Sakura was supposedly going to sign up for the Kunoichi class. I decided Ino and Sakura needed to work out their own problems so I begged the Hokage to change the rule for me specifically, saying I would never fit in with the other kunoichi. He gave an unaccepting but beaten sigh at my childish logic. He knew that class wouldn't work for me anyway, because I was about farthest from feminine in every way.

Gramps, or the Hokage wasn't quite the grampa that you would expect. He was the Hokage, we all knew that. Even though I'd never have anyone around most of the time, somehow, in all his busybody, hustle and bustle of his job, he would make time to come see me. Reluctantly of course. Any sign of embarrassment from the name "Grampa Hokage" didn't show when we would walk around the village. He even gave instruction in various skills I needed to learn, but only up to the point that I was self-sufficient in my own skills to take the entrance exam. Though he looked out for me, it wasn't really a beautiful thing of divine grace. He still loathed me for being an idiot and a failure to his successor, my father.

And then there was Sasuke. Common ground with him was a warzone. I kid you not. If you're a girl and you show _any interest_ , you've given in to the dark side. That's why I always take him and the things about him at face value. What the heck does that mean? Well, we're bitter rivals for one thing, and we have shown no interest in him _at all_. Yeah, I went there. And he's went as far enough to forget that I even existed. Why? I think he has a stick up his butt and thought he was a _complete_ brat, and I called him out on it calling him "Bastard" like the real Naruto.

So, if you want to read this story, go right ahead. I'm waiting for you to decide you've probably made. But don't blame me if you can't handle the truth.

What was that truth? To be successful, you must do, not try, but _do._


End file.
